I used to think that there was a dilemma that parents of multiples faced about whether or not to tell your children who was born first.
I found plenty of chat and agonising about it online when I was pregnant, and it came up in the ‘having multiples’ books. What I found at the time was that there were good arguments both ways.
So we chose not to tell them. Well I chose not to tell them and my DH went along with that. I just didn’t want them to use their order of birth as a hierarchical birth right. My own sister is five years older than me and, quite honestly, I’ve never seen this as giving her some kind of authority over me. No way.
In the last four or five years, the girls have asked. They’ve guessed – most often correctly – and they have even said what their preference would be. Which is in fact the right answer.
But I’ve stuck to my guns. Occasionally I will ask someone, like if I discover a new friend is a twin or meet another multiple mum. For those who say they or their kids know, it also turns out that the ‘I’m the oldest’ argument is used a lot.
Starting secondary school has brought the subject up all over again. Their new friends ask them ‘who is the oldest?’ So DH and I have started to talk about whether to tell them. I thought I’d look for some advice online and started with my AI friend, Claude. I asked ‘should I tell my triplets the order of their birth?’. And Claude wrote, ‘Yes, I’d tell them.’
OMG, where was the debate and agonising?! AI doesn’t think it’s a dilemma at all. Looks like I am going to have to make a move.
